June 2006

Good communication skills are just the beginning: How do you get people to cooperate and do their fair share?

After reading last month's newsletter on "communication," one of my readers wrote: "It just strikes me, in dealing with others, that even if you can set-up channels of communication, you can't always get others to work with you, at least not productively or with a fair sharing of duties.

"For example, there was one think tank this month that left me hanging in a very bad place, even though we were communicating rather well and had even collaborated productively previously. The problem was, the new project required more effort on their part; I ended-up having to take up the slack.

"I think that is an all-too-common problem, in business as well as personal relationships. How can we get good cooperation or collaboration established and how can we maintain and grow a relationship with balanced responsibilities and rewards?"

I agree with this reader, it is an all-too-common problem that often builds frustration, breaks down relationships, and wastes time and energy. So why does it happen? And with an honest self-assessment, how often have you been guilty of not doing what someone else expected you to do?

There are two books that I read this past month while planning for a teambuilding retreat: "The Five Dysfunctions of A Team" (Lencioni) and "How to Make Collaboration Work" (Straus). I think each of these books offers some great answers to the reader's question about how to get people to cooperate and do their fair share.

Let's start where we left off with communication last month, the assumption that you have followed the key steps for effective communication:

• Clear Intention: Know what you want to achieve before you begin.

• Clear Message: Think through what you want to say so that you are sure that you emphasize the key message rather than non-essential details.

• Active Listening: Don't just wait for the other person to stop talking so you can say what you want; absorb and incorporate what others have to say.

• Shared Understanding: Check with others to see if they heard what you intended and visa versa.

• Follow-up: Respond to important communications in writing or with actions.

To understand how to ensure cooperation from others, we also need to look at the decision-making process. Today's environment is different from the one in which most of the "Baby Boomers" grew up -- when "children were to be seen and not heard" and some parents answered questions with "because I said so." This era was characterized by "command and control" leadership, in which leaders solved problems, made decisions, and issued orders unilaterally.

Today's work environment is much faster paced and employee input is needed, in order to make informed decisions and quick changes. Younger Gen X'ers have grown up with "family meetings"; as children, they participated in conversations with adults and learned to question authority.

If you, like my reader, are frustrated by people who aren't cooperating and doing their fair share, you will likely find the sections about "collaboration" and "teams" in this newsletter helpful.

To your business success,

Gail Schaper-Gordon, Ph.D.
President, Win Win Workplace Solutions